1,000 Dark Jokes to Make Your Soul Rot

By Chef JRHEvilInc/Joel R. Hunt

//Source.

//Story contains references to animal cruelty, sexual assault, and other abuse.

Apparently, there’s a joke book called ‘1000 Dark Jokes to Make Your Soul Rot’, and I was wondering if anyone here had heard of it, because I seriously want to get my hands on a copy.

I’ve been into dark humour for as long as I can remember. No topic is off-limits. Terrorism. Slavery. Dead babies. Whatever. I don’t care about things being offensive; as long as it’s a good joke, I’m up for it.

So when I heard about ‘1000 Dark Jokes’, I knew I wanted to read it. The problem is, it doesn’t seem to exist anywhere. I’ve searched for hours online, I’ve looked on Amazon and Waterstones, I’ve scoured the local bookshops and libraries (Side note – I discovered that libraries are still a thing!). I even contacted some of the biggest libraries in the country and asked them to search through their stock. Nothing. There wasn’t a scrap of evidence that this book had ever been written.

Except for one forum.

It’s one I’ve been lurking in for a long time, but never got around to posting in. A celebration of grim jokes and gross-out humour. It’s where I’ve read some of the best material I’ve ever come across. And some of the most downright awful.

It’s called RapeAndPunnage.org

As I was browsing through it a few weeks ago, I stumbled across this old thread, which is the only mention of ‘1000 Dark Jokes’ that I’ve been able to find anywhere. I thought of trying to summarise it for you lot, but I may as well just copy/paste the whole thread – it’s not that long – and hopefully someone here will be able to give me some pointers. Who knows, you might even recognise a username or two!

FG1988

I found a book today in the second hand shop at the bottom of my street. It caught my eye because of the title, and straight away I thought of you lot. It’s a jokebook, with a blank front cover, and a title in embossed, silvery-black print down the spine. It’s called ‘1000 Dark Jokes to Make Your Soul Rot’.

I’ve read a few now. They don’t seem to be what I’d call ‘jokes’. More like… statements. Or like –

Okay, I’ll type a few out and show you what I mean.

#0001 – A man walks up to his doctor. “Help me,” he screams, “my lungs are burning!”. He collapses to the floor, and begins to cough blood onto the doctor’s new shoes. The doctors spits on him and laughs.

That’s it. That’s the first joke in the book. I read it about a dozen times trying to see what I’d missed, whether there was a pun I wasn’t getting or something. But that really does seem to be it. And they’re all like that.

#0012 – An old lady sits on a quiet beach. In the distance, she sees a flock of birds gliding past. She weeps, for she knows she will die alone.

What kind of punchline is that? The jokes don’t seem to really set up anything, beyond describing horrible things happening to random people.

#0017 is just A baby dies in agony.

I have to admit, I did actually laugh at some of these. Not because they’re funny, but just from the sheer audacity of someone publishing this as a jokebook. But I’ve found I really enjoy reading through it, a couple dozen jokes at a time, while I’m on the bus or whatever. Do any of you guys own ‘1000 Dark Jokes to Make Your Soul Rot’? Is there something I’m missing?

ZombieJeesus

LOL! Nvr heard of it but it sounds lik an absolute MINDFUCK! Got to get me a copy!! XD

JewsInTheOven

Its bettr thn any jokes uv evr cum up wth u pussy f@g!

DontTellMom

JITO, you’ve been warned before. Contribute to the discussion or not at all.

FG1988, I was really interested to see this get posted up. My sister had a copy of this, and we used to read it together after mom and dad had gone to bed. We were way too young, looking back. It’s probably what started me liking all of this sick shit come to think of it! Anyway, I’ll see if I can dig it out from somewhere. Out of interest, have you carried on reading it? Got any favorites?

FG1988

Haha, can’t imagine a little kid reading this stuff! Some of it is proper intense! Do you remember the one about the cat, I think it was number thirty-something. Just a really detailed description of it being murdered.

My favourites are probably the ones that are less gruesome and more bizarre – they sort of leave you stunned for a moment wondering how anyone thought to print it!

Like #0143 – A rich man and a poor man are standing on top of a mountain. The poor man says to the rich man, “We only have enough food to get one of us down the mountain”. The rich man says, “You should take it and go.” The poor man cries with gratitude, and promises to make a shrine to the rich man upon his arrival home. When the poor man is part way down the mountain, he is set upon by savage wolves, and killed. The rich man is among them. He feasts.

I’ve just got this really funny mental image of the Monopoly Man covered in wolfskin, calmly cutting into a human arm with a knife and fork!

DontTellMom

Huh. I partly remember that one. I thought it ended with something like “the rich man watched from a distance until he starved to death.”

xvxvxvxvxvx

I like number 399. ‘A nun is raped. She screams and screams, but it does not stop. She bleeds onto her robes, and dies. Her god is a lie.’

JewsInTheOven

Fucking PWNED lol!

ZombieJeesus

“Her god is a lie.”

Hey, I take offence to that! ;P

DontTellMom

I’ve got it! Our old copy of 1TDJ. It’s dusty, and it’s definitely seen better days, but it’s just about held it together. I’ve found the joke I was remembering from earlier.

Number 679: A dog loved its owner very much. One day, she lay down some food before it. The dog wanted the food very much, but the owner did not let it eat. The next day, she lay down more food. The dog was very hungry, but the owner did not let it eat. The next day, she lay down even more food. The dog was in terrible pain, but the owner did not let it eat. The dog watched the food. The dog smelled the food. The dog sat by the food until it starved to death. The dog loved its owner very much.

StabbyPete101

poor doggo 😦 i du lik dese jokes tho so i got tha book tuk me ages 2 find it but its grate so funny!

i lik the 1s with no animals tho

FG1988

I think it gets funnier the more you read. You get past a barrier, remind yourself that no one is actually being hurt, and that sort of lets you laugh at it. Does that make sense?

xvxvxvxvxvx

You’ve got that backwards. Your “barrier” is stopping you from actually enjoying yourself. The real fun comes after you’ve finished reading, when you don’t need the book any more.

FG1988

What do you mean?

StabbyPete101

rofl @ no. 582!! a child is asked 2 go 2 bed. they ask 4 mor time up. their parents rip ther skin away!!

FG1988

That’s really weird. I’ve just read #0852. It’s like a twisted mirror of that joke. A child stands at the foot of their parents’ bed. The child bleeds. Their skin has been torn away. The parents weep. “Please don’t come to bed,” they cry. The child only smiles. They will always come to bed.

That can’t be a coincidence, right? Is there come kind of narrative to this book?

ZombieJeesus

What if WE ARE THE NARRATIVE?! MIND = BLOWN!

DontTellMom

Not a great medium for a narrative. Most people don’t read the jokes in order. Unless I guess it’s going for a whole “every experience is unique” deal, with each reader getting a different narrative based on the order they read the jokes in. I don’t really get that vibe from it though. I think you’re meant to just dip in and out of it when you want to. It’s more addictive that way, y’know?

StabbyPete101

well im lovin it sooooo funny lol! gets bettr the mor u read

FG1988

I definitely agree with that. Although, I read the very last joke today. Have any of you guys looked at that one? Not what I expected. It’s a bit… weird.

JewsInTheOven

lol 2 dark 4 u? get off the forum u f@g

DontTellMom

Nah, like I said above, I don’t read joke books cover to cover. I think I flicked past it once, but it seemed pretty long, and it looked like it repeated itself a lot. Was it good weird or bad weird?

FG1988

I’m not sure. I’ve read through it a few times now. It’s just a really odd one. I’ll try to copy it out (I’ll skip the middle bit, you’ll see why), but I guess you just have to read your own copy to get the full effect.

#1000 – Once upon a time, there was a book of jokes. People read the book. They read jokes about death and rape and suffering, and they laughed. They laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed

[It goes on like this for a few pages. I’ll skip to the final bit].

The people laughed for a long, long time. They laughed until it hurt. Then they stopped laughing. The jokes in the book weren’t enough. They needed more than the book. They needed new jokes. They needed real jokes. They made their own jokes. And then they laughed. They laughed and laughed and laughed.

It ends there. There are a couple of pages after it, but no text. I guess it’s a bit funny? In a sort of anti-humour kind of way?

DontTellMom

I guess so. I do always wonder what those blank pages at the back are for. Do they expect you to add your own jokes or something?

StabbyPete101

it kinda creeped me out @ 1st but then i read it in the book an its pretty funny. like i get it more on the page if tha makes sence

StabbyPete101

i keep goin bak an readin it an actuly its porbably my favorite now. i read it before bed evry nite

FG1988

Definitely! I feel exactly the same! I don’t read any of the other jokes any more. Last one is by far the best. Really grows on you.

StabbyPete101

im gonna burn my cats eyes out tonite haha!

ZombieJeesus

LOL WTF?! XD

DontTellMom

Pete, at the risk of being accused of being the responsible adult in the room: don’t do that.

FG1988

Haha, record it! I want to watch!

DontTellMom

FG, don’t encourage him. You’re better than that, dude.

JewsInTheOven

wots wrong mommas boy?! U sad that ur f@g bf mite b suckng 101s stabby pete?!? ;_;

DontTellMom

Hardly. I just don’t find real life animal cruelty funny.

StabbyPete101

lol guess wot

StabbyPete101

[Post deleted]

ZombieJeesus

DUDE IS THAT REAL WTF IS WRONG WIT U?!!

JewsInTheOven

dont like cats. still not funny.

DontTellMom

Reported.

FG1988

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My turn!

FG1988

[Post deleted]

ZombieJeesus

OK this is sick, srsly, someone get the admins in on this.

FG1988

What’s wrong? I just want you to laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh.

[Thread locked]

And that’s it. That’s the full thread. As far as I can tell, it’s the only one on the site, or anywhere else for that matter, that mentions ‘1000 Dark Jokes’. No, I don’t know what the deleted posts were, they were removed long before I got there. I can imagine, but I’d rather believe they weren’t what I think they probably were. In any case, of the users above, FG and StabbyPete don’t seem to have posted anywhere else after this. I’m pretty sure they were both banned. So was JewsInTheOven, but he kept posting after this. Nothing about the book, just troll drivel. DontTellMom stuck around for a long time, last active a few months ago, but didn’t reply to any private messages I sent. Neither did any of the others. It’s an old thread, they probably don’t use the forum anymore.

In any case, this is literally everything I know about ‘1000 Dark Jokes to Make your Soul Rot’. Please, please tell me one of you knows about this book. I need to read it!

Edit: So since posting this, the original thread has been deleted. Not sure if that’s a coincidence, but seems pretty odd timing.

Edit2: You’re not going to believe this! The book is real! Someone sent me a copy! Don’t know who, but thank you!!! Been reading through a few of them, it’s exactly as described above. Weird, but it’s great knowing it really exists! Must have already read through a hundred or so, it really does get funnier the further in you get! Once I’m finished I’ll share my favourites!

Edit3: Nearly done, now!

Edit4: They weren’t kidding about that last joke. It goes on over seven pages. Very funny though. Maybe the best one.

Edit5: It repeats “and laughed” exactly one thousand times. I counted.

Edit6: I’ve started making my own jokes now.

Edit7: Does anyone want to see a video of my baby sister?

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